Regret
by leafs nation
Summary: It should've been me getting my face beaten in... I should've said something, stood up to that monster and faced the music. But I didn't, and now Clementine is paying for my mistake. (Kenny doesn't take the blame for the radio in episode 3)
1. Chapter 1

"I've got it right here!"

It should've been me. The words were right there in my mouth but I just… froze. Lee would be ashamed of me right now.

"I took it from you guys, it's my fault."

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

"You've got some guts, kid, I'll give you that much. A hell of a lot more than the rest of your sorry excuse of a group."

Shit… Do something, Ken! Anything! You need to act fast.

"But you know the price of treason… Nothing changes, not even if you're a kid."

You son of a –

The first punch sends her to the ground with her in a complete daze. As soon as her head hits the concrete, I know she is seeing stars. The second punch comes, then the third… Her face starts getting bloody after the first blow, but now it looks like a complete mess.

"Get off her! Clemen – OOF!"

I wasn't sure what hit me, but it hurt like hell. This was nothing compared to what she must've been feeling though. I turn on my back to see that fucker Troy standing over me with the rifle pointed straight at my head, but I can tell that even he was uneasy about Carver beating the shit out of Clementine.

Troy hits me again as I tried to crawl over to her, whatever help that might have been. Thankfully, Carver seems to stop as one of the women (Bonnie, I think it was?) comes out and starts talking about a breach of some kind. I don't quite understand, and frankly I don't give a damn.

I remember back at that dairy farm, when we were stuck in the meat locker and Lee tried to save Larry. And I remember how furious I got when he didn't immediately side with me.

Fucking worthless is what I called him.

Now, it seems my words had come back to bite me in the ass.

I could hear Lee's voice screaming in my head…

_I trusted you Kenny… I trusted you, and this is what you do? Leave Clementine to get beaten on by a madman? What do you think Duck would say?_

There's a burning sensation on my cheek as the blood runs down from my cut, but all I can keep saying is Clementine, Clementine, Clementine.

Salvaging what was left of my manhood and my pride, I stand up and trudge over to the girl, despite Sarita's protests. As much as I love Sarita, she can be a bit too cautious at times. There are more important matters right now than my own safety.

"Oh my god…" is all I can say as I collapse onto my knees and look at the crumpled heap before me. Clementine… the sweet little girl that stumbled into our lives and made me think that not everything in this world has gone to hell… the one person who came back into my life after two years and gave me something to hope for again… can't even open her eyes.

She's bruised and bloody, and I'm pretty sure she's unconscious. Bonnie is on the other side of her saying something about leaving as soon as we can, but I tune her out along with everyone else.

Rebecca is crying. Yeah, you heard right. The same person whom Clem told me had been a complete bitch to her when she first arrived. How dare she! She doesn't have the right to be upset!

On the other side, Carlos is hugging his daughter Sarah extremely tightly – probably wondering how Carver could be so far gone. As far as I'm concerned, it's 'cause he's a crazy son of a bitch who doesn't deserve to live. Actually, he does – just long enough for the walkers to sink their teeth into his neck.

Then I realize, that's too good for him.

Without as much as a word, I scoop up Clementine in my arms and walk back to the beds. Nobody says a word to me – even that little turd Luke is too shell-shocked to comfort his pal Nick, who was rubbing his fingers through his hair.

I sit on one of the beds with her in my lap, taking her old hat off of her head and placing it down beside me. Not speaking for a bit, I gently rock her back and forth like I used to do with Duck when he was small; hoping that it somehow might make things better.

Of course it doesn't.

I'm in a daze, and I honestly don't plan on getting out of it. Not that I'd want to anyway, because as soon as I do I know that they'll start asking if I'm alright. What do they think my answer will be?! No I'm not fuckin' alright! I already lost one child, I'm not losing this one too!

Losing Clem might just well do me in…

Reluctantly, as the afternoon starts to pass, I allow Carlos to work on her while I go back to the fire pit. I don't say anything as I sit down in the lawn chair, but they all know what I'm thinking. My facial expression says it all.

Revenge.

I owed Lee and Clem that much.

About an hour passes, and I see Carlos come up to let us know what's going on. But I don't sit and listen. Instead, I go right back over to Clem and sit on an empty part of the bed. I take her tiny hand in mine and apologize over and over again.

Sorry for being such an ass all the time.

Sorry for not saying something when Carver asked about that stupid radio.

Sorry for not gutting the bastard right then and there.

But most of all… sorry that I let you down.

"This is bullshit," I hear Luke say, and I turn my head to watch them argue.

"What other choice do we have?" Nick asks, "I mean, come on, what if she doesn't make it? Carver hit her pretty hard. If she were here, she'd want us to move on."

Why that little bastard…

"He does have a point unfortunately…" Mike joins in, hanging his head in shame.

"So, what – was the shed not good enough for you people? Are we just going to let her die here now? Didn't work the first time so let's try again?! Is that it?!" Luke yells. Obviously they aren't telling me something that would probably end up making me shoot them in the balls, but at least Luke hasn't given up hope yet.

My thoughts are immediately forgotten as I feel a slight squeeze of my hand, and I look down in disbelief. Here's Clem, with her left eye just barely able to be opened and her right one covered by a bloody bandage. She's got a little smile on her face, and I can't help but smile back (albeit painfully).

"Did… I miss… anything?" she manages to choke out, and I wipe a loose strand of hair out of her face.

"Nothing at all, darlin'. Just rest, ok?"

"I can't, Kenny. I… I need to see the rest. I need to be strong…"

"Clem, there ain't nobody in this world stronger than you, I can promise you that. Are you sure you're up for it?"

She gives a slow nod, and I carefully lift her up without causing any more stress. When her knees start to shake and buckle, I ask her again if she still wants to see everyone. She nods, but instead of me letting her try to walk again, I scoop her up in my arms and start to walk over. Here comes the surprise of the century…

"Look, Alvin is dead, Clem's just gotten the shit beaten out of her, and I'm a god-damned mess! We can't go."

"Bonnie's agreed to help us tonight," Mike argued.

"And there's no reason she can't help us some other night," Luke retorted, despair written all over his face.

"What is it with you?" Rebecca asked.

"Why do you gotta be like that – no fuckin way…"

As Luke's eyes widen, everyone slowly turns towards me and see her in my arms. Emotions are mixed – relief, shock, sadness and regret – but everyone seems relieved that she's alright.

"What's up… guys?"

Over the next few hours, our plan is set in motion. Since Clementine isn't up for climbing anything at the moment, Luke climbs up the ladder and breaks into Carver's office. The ladder collapses when he gets to the top because of the weight, but it doesn't matter anymore.

All I've got on my mind right now is Carver, and all the ways I'm going to make him pay.

I may have chickened out at the start, but I'm sure as hell not backing down tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Originally I was going to make this a one-shot, since I didn't want to milk this thing for any longer than I needed to. But due to popular demand, I've decided to do one more chapter. Hope you like it!

"Clem, hon, why are you up? You should be resting," I say to her, placing my palm against her cheek. She's burning up, and the coldness of my hand causes her to jump a little bit. I really hope it's not what I think it is – an infection right now would be devastating.

Somehow she manages to roll her good eye and reply, "You know me better than that, Kenny."

It's true. I remember when I'd be on the night shift at the motor inn, and every single time I climbed up to the roof of the RV, I'd spot Clementine just sitting along the wall outside of her and Lee's room. The first time it happened, I just told her to go back to bed and count sheep or something stupid like that, hoping that maybe it would put her at ease. After the fifth time though, I just stopped trying. It wouldn't happen every night, but on those occasions where it didn't I was really surprised. I never asked her why she couldn't sleep, but frankly I think I knew what the answer was the whole time.

Losing your parents at eight years old would make any kid restless.

"Why are you standing here anyway?" she asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Just got a lot on my mind," I reply, looking into the fire pit and watching as the flames dance in vivid colours. When you focus and look at something long enough, you start to notice the little details that you may have missed. Maybe I should do that more often.

"Like what?"

"Just… stuff."

Clementine falls silent, while I fall into a daze – a hazy, shrouded cloud of memories that continue to haunt me in my dreams and in my reality. It's always the same one, too. Duck's sitting against the tree, with his face as pale as snow and his breathing shallow and forced. Katjaa's sitting on the ground in a pool of her own blood.

And all the while I keep thinking: I couldn't do it then either.

Lee and Clem were so much alike that it actually scares me. I can't say they were never afraid, as that would be a lie since fear is a part of what keeps us alive nowadays, but they did a good job of always keeping a level head. As I glance back over at her, it seems that she's already started dozing off. How long was I in a trance for? I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. It's a good thing she's resting up a bit. We're going to need it tonight.

I see so much of Lee in this young child – no, she's no longer a child anymore. She's been through way too much to consider her that. And as I said before, it scares the shit outta me. Not because she can shoot a gun and survive just as Lee had taught her. No, it wasn't that.

It's the fact that once again they've both proved how much stronger they are than me.

How else would she have survived this long? Sure, Lee is dead but he's living through Clementine. How many eleven year olds would have been able to take a beating like she had and still had the strength to go on?

I carry her back to her bed (if you could even call it that) and set her down as gently as I can. Planting a kiss on her forehead, I promise her that I won't let her down ever again. Hopefully, I can actually live up to that promise.

Right now, however, there's something else I need to do.

_Later…_

The first bullet goes right through his kneecap and out the other side. He grunts in a heap of pain and collapses to the ground clutching the wound, and before anyone says a word the other bullet goes through his other knee. Perhaps he can handle this kind of pain, but it won't be for long. Not after I'm done with him.

"Go on, and wait outside…" I hiss, walking towards a work bench and grasping the closest thing to a weapon I could find. This crowbar will do the trick.

"Y'all are just gonna let him do this?" I hear Luke say, and I have to restrain myself from yelling at him. "There ain't one part of that son of a bitch that I don't hate but that does not make this right."

"It has to be done…" I murmur, so softly that I think the only one who can hear me is Carver. Seriously, how can they not agree with me this time?!

"We need to get going guys. Luke's right, this won't do anything – that horde's gonna be hear any moment!" Nick says.

_Fuck all y'all then… There's no way this bastard's coming out alive…_

After more of their whining and some conflict of interests among the "group", people slowly start to walk outside.

"Heh, yeah! Go ahead and run! Let the sheep out of the pen! You people don't know how good you had it – a wall, food, protection… and all you bastards did was toss it aside! You people don't have the guts to survive out there… not like Clementine over here."

My grip on the crowbar tightens and I turn around with rage clearly painted on my face. I see Sarita eyeing me warily, and though I can't say I blame her right now with what I was going to do, it's not something I have time to argue about right now.

"Shut your fucking mouth…" I snarl venomously, standing right in front so that he can't see anyone but me. "You're a sick bastard. You practically beat her to death, and now you just brush it off like it was nothing?!"

"She seems fine to me," he replies coldly, glancing around me to see her standing there with her arms folded over her chest and her eyes staring at the ground. "That little girl's seen more than you could possibly imagine."

"Shut your mouth, Bill!" is what I'm sure Luke says, but I don't really care. This is between me and him. I haven't felt this angry since that stupid dairy farm. When somebody fucks with my family… No, this has to be done. He needs to die. This is personal.

"And this fucker right here," Carver casts a pointed glance in my direction, "has the stomach to come and act all tough even though he let Clem take the fall. You're a fucking coward, you know that? I should've put you out of your misery right at that ski lodge. Would've been a nicer punishment."

"I'm not letting you see this," Sarita tries to escort Clementine out of the room. Before she can answer though, to my surprise as well as theirs, I put a hand on Sarita's arm.

"No," I say lowly, "she has to."

"But-"

"I only need a minute," I cut her off, and reluctantly she walks off, disappointment written on her face. Normally, I would've agreed wholeheartedly, but I'm not thinking very clearly at this point.

"That a girl, Clem," I hear the bastard say, and I resist the urge to bash his brains in right at that moment. Not because I'm not going to, but because it has to be right. It has to have meaning. "You're not afraid to look it in the eye, to see it for what it really is. Sorry about your eye, but it had to be done… you know exactly what I'm talking about."

Something inside of me snaps, and instead of just bashing his face in, I hit both of the weak points on his knees as he yells in pain. I'll admit, the man can take a lot. But I've got different plans for him. I pick him up by the collar of his jacket and drag him across the floor over to one of the emergency exits. If I remember correctly, it's the biggest drop I can find without having to take him upstairs.

"Kenny? What are you doing?" Clementine asks, but I don't answer. Instead I forcibly kick the door open and shove him against the railing – one hand on his collar and the other clutching the crowbar.

"Heh…. Is that all you got, you little bitch?" he hisses, spitting blood into my face. "Clem here should give you some lessons on how to be tough. She'd kick your ass all day long."

"Probably would. But that won't be your problem after I'm through with you."

It doesn't take very long for me to get the first swing in. His head convulses back and I can already see a dent on his forehead. Then the second swing comes, the third, fourth, fifth… I don't stop until Clementine grabs my arm pleadingly. That's when I toss him over the railing for the walkers to chow down on, toss the crowbar as far as I can throw and collapse onto my knees. My body is shaking so much that I can't even control what I'm doing.

There are some tears, I'm sure of it. And as the sob escapes my throat, I feel Clem wrap her arms around me tightly and bury her face into my back.

"Oh god, Clem. I'm so sorry…" I manage to choke out, my eyes glossy and my throat parched. She mumbles something into my jacket that's incomprehensible, but I take it as if she accepted my apology.

I sure as hell don't accept my apology.


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing ever changes around here, does it? No matter what the problems presented to us, no matter the reason that we may have gotten to this point in the first place, the outcome is always the same.

Duck, Katjaa… the two most important people in my life – my amazing, loving, caring wife… and my rambunctious, life-filled, darlin' boy… both taken away in an instant. Both marked for death the second that we got on that train. I was so stubborn that I couldn't see what was going on right in front of me. I refused to believe what was happening.

I'm not afraid to admit that the wounds they left behind never fully healed. When they were ripped away from my life in such a violent way, a part of my very soul went with them. My soul, my sanity, and my will to live. I ain't no quitter, so don't go mistaking me at all… but there've been many a time where I had thought about it. It would've been so easy for me to bring the gun to my temple, take one last breath and then finally be at a long-lasting peace.

But somebody found me at one of my darkest moments; helped spring me back to my feet and gave me a reason to fight again. Sarita was the spark that I needed to reignite my light and convinced me that when one door closes, another one opens. Maybe things weren't completely fucked with the world, not if there were still angels like her sent to roam among the broken people like me. She may not have been a replacement family, as nobody could fit within the open space in the puzzle that Kat and Duck left behind, but it certainly helped. It was like I could try and ignore the constant shredding in my heart; to ease the ache and numb the pain.

For a long while, it actually worked. I left that restaurant with a new companion in tow, talked about anything except for my family, and made our way up north with little incident. Wellington was our primary destination, as it still should be, but with the ski lodge looking like such a welcoming, peaceful and safe place that was practically beckoning us to hold up in, our short-term plans had changed. Walter and Matthew seemed a little _too nice _to just let us into their home so openly, in my honest opinion, but I wasn't one to ever look a gift horse in the mouth. And then when Clementine showed up at our doorstep some few weeks later, I thought that we could really make this all work. Clem, Sarita, Walter, Matt and I would all head up to Wellington when we were good and ready to leave the lodge behind, and it'd be nothing but golden shores and rays of sunshine from there on out.

…now I sort of wish that Clem and the turds she calls _friends _had never showed up at all. Maybe then they'd all still be alive.

Oh, I can put the blame on Carver all day long, and in large part I do. But when you really delve down deep, how did all o' this shit start? That fucking group that first showed up! That's when all of our problems started happenin'! They single-handedly got every one of the last friends that I had killed!

And Sarita… a hatchet to the forehead was the last thing that I had seen of her. The final light in my life had been snuffed out when her arm was chopped off and she had nearly gotten devoured by walkers.

And the person who killed her…

"…Kenny?"

"…get. Out."

Hearing the flap of the tent slowly open, I know that the kid is stepping inside as I hear the light pitter-patter of her feet carefully trudging closer towards me, but I don't want to hear any of it. No more bullshit excuses, no more apologies, no more _anything_. Can't these fuckers leave me alone for ONE GOD DAMN DAY?!

"I… I just wanted to check on you," she mentions weakly, her words ragged and tired, "make sure… you were okay…"

Curling my hands into tight fists, I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming to the heavens above. _Am I okay_, she asks! Ha, funny joke there, Clementine! Real clever, especially since you're the one who single-handedly caused all of this fucked-up bullshit in the first place!

"Save your breath… I don't want to hear any of it right now," I growl lowly, rubbing my eyes as angry tears start to prickle out as I furiously refuse to let her see me down like this. "I don't need a pity-party over here, Clementine! Sarita is _dead_, and you're waltzing around out there, chattin' it up with the group as if there's nothing wrong! Who the hell are you right now?!"

"She… she got bit, Kenny! If I hadn't done something – "

"Then she'd still be right here with me, and we could've done something _away from the fucking herd!_" I snap, still not in the mood to turn around and face her right now. I just need to vent out my anger before I implode and completely lose my mind, and Clementine just happens to be within my line of fire. If it was anyone else, I probably would've drawn my gun and threatened to shoot them in the head. "If you had just done nothing at all, that would've been a god damn improvement! No, instead you just _have _to meddle in this shit, and just make it about ten times worse! And you'll get away with it 'cause you're just some stupid fucking kid who doesn't know what the hell she's doing!" I fume, breathing heavily as all I hear is silence behind me. Has she left? No, I doubt it, unless she actually had enough of me trash-talking her and just left me to my own misery.

As I finally start to calm down again, and remember who it is exactly that I'm talking to right now, I sigh deeply and prepare to issue out an apology…

"You're such a fucking asshole."

Snapping my eyes wide open as I register the words within my head, I feel my teeth clench tightly as the rage slowly seeps back into place. It's weird though – I've heard that kind of thing so many times in my life that normally I don't even consider it swearing, but with _Clementine _to say it of all people? It hurts, and not just because once upon a time I knew that she had a zero tolerance policy for that kind of thing.

Hearing it from her with such animosity means that she really means it this time, and I can't help but be completely baffled as she continues on her mini rant. Seems that I'm not the only one who needs to get some things off their chest.

"You haven't changed one bit – I thought that maybe there was a chance for us to start over at the ski lodge, and that you might've turned over a new leaf, but I was wrong!" she yells at me; stinging as I prepare to stand up and leave the tent. I don't need this shit – I can't even _look _at her right now without getting pissed off! "None of us could do anything there, and you… you didn't even give me a chance to explain things! I tried to save her life, Kenny! She was going to die if I hadn't tried to cut off her hand – that's the only thing that works, and if we had waited then she would've died anyway!"

Standing to my feet, I close my eyes tightly as bump into her shoulder as I start to brush past the kid. I don't give a damn if this ruins our friendship – it's not as if we were actually friends to begin with! She's just a snot-nosed brat who thinks she's better than everyone else!

She doesn't give two salt licks about anyone else's feelings or what they might be going through, and she doesn't even have the decency to leave somebody alone when they're grieving! What the fuck was Lee throwing into her head all that time?!

"…what would Duck be thinking if he saw you right now?"

Feeling whatever sense of restraint that I may have had just completely dissipate upon hearing my son's name, I turn on a dime as I grab Clem by the scruff of her jacket and pin her to the floor, raise my fist and the air and…

Her face says more than enough as a few tears run freely down my face – I fucked up hugely. With that disgusting, bloody bandage covering over her permanently damaged eye, it's almost like looking in a mirror. This could've – no, _should've_ – been me, but instead I let that raging psychopath beat her half to hell.

And I'm about to do the exact same thing; looking like the very same monster that did this to the girl in the first place. I should be so fucking ashamed right now.

Immediately letting the fabric of her ugly ski jacket slip through my clenched fingers, I take a step back as she smacks my hand away and picks herself up off the floor; dusting the dirt off her jeans and picking her hat up from off the floor. Feeling sick to my stomach, I try to spring together whatever words I can to try and correct this mistake.

But all that comes out is mumbled garbage that in no way makes up for what's transpired.

"Cl-Clem, I…"

"You never learn, do you?" she glares sharply at me, putting her hands in her pockets as she begrudgingly motions outside. "Rebecca's having the baby soon… If you don't come, they'll both die. Nobody else knows what to do," Clem mentions emotionlessly as she opens up the flap of the tent. Giving me one last loathing glance of hurt and betrayal, the young charge shakes her head and itches around her damaged eye before leaving me to my thoughts inside my own mental and physical prison.

Knowing that I've truly gone and fucked everything up even more than things were before, I take another two minutes or so before following suit; getting a couple of pissed off and annoyed looks from Jane, Luke and Mike as Clementine silently goes to sit over by Sarah while Bonnie allows Rebecca to rest an arm around her shoulders.

"…gimme a second," I tell Bonnie before she can even ask, trying to wrack my brain for what needs to be done while trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Patching things up with the only girl left who really gave a damn will take some work, especially after that whole spectacle in the tent, but this has got to come first. "We're gonna need a warm place to have the kid, which ain't here. So here's what we need to look for…"

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_AN: I don't know if those guest reviews were all the same person, but apparently there's quite a popular demand to keep this going for a little bit longer, so this was just adding onto it. I think I'll end up doing one more chapter if that's cool with you guys, but that's it lol. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed, or consequently want to hurt me for that whole scenario :P Either way, thanks for reading!_


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Geez, I'm surprised at how many of you seem to be reading this… do you all secretly enjoy reading about Kenny going through emotional hell? ;) Haha, you sneaky little bums! This final chapter's going to be a bit of a doozy – some of the events are going to shift more than in the game. You'll see soon enough – I didn't want to follow the storyline word for word in this, you know? So without further ado, here's the final (yes, FINAL) chapter._

* * *

Well, ain't this just the prettiest picture of a perfectly fantastic fuck up that you ever did see?

It's bad enough that this little guy's mother just died not even an hour ago, meaning that he'll never have even been old enough to know what she was really like, but now we're sitting on the side of the road in only god knows where with god knows how many supplies and some Russian asshole who distinctly reminds me of Ben for some strange reason. Maybe it's the way that they both seemed to have somehow screwed up everything they have ever touched, but this Commie prick and his dog shit little group apparently had the _bright idea _to attack us for supplies; killing themselves and crippling our group in the process. And for what purpose other than some petty fucking revenge scheme?! At least with Ben, you knew right away that he was just some clueless, frightened little shit who just wanted to not get eaten alive – he was completely clueless in every stupid action he ever took.

But Arvo? This robot-legged prick? No, he knew _exactly _what he was doing when he and his posse showed up, and he should've paid the price right after the firefight ended. If it wasn't for the red-haired Mother Theresa over there and the rest of these pacifist clowns, then we'd already be rid of the pest and could just focus on moving up north; up to Wellington where we belong.

Shivering as a chilly winter wind comes in from the farmer's field a ways off, I bring the little bundle of joy closer to my chest as he huddles together in his pine green blanket. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the concept… having an actual newborn to take care of in this day and age. I honest to god didn't think it was possible after Duck… God damn it…

…but now, after just taking a few solid looks at this baby cuddled up all nice and snuggly in my arms, I'm slowly starting to think that maybe miracles like these actually _can _happen, even during the worst of times. Maybe… maybe this is a sign of things to come; a calling that I have to answer and fight towards. Rebecca and Alvin… neither of them might be here anymore, so I'm going to have to grasp onto the reins and start up my parental instincts once again.

Ha, and I thought for sure that my diaper-duties were long behind me!

"Easy there, fella," I soothe, lightly rocking him up and down as his red, rosy cheeks start to worry me a tad. We've gotta get to some shelter, and _quickly_. Where's that church that Clem had spotted for us earlier? "We're… I'm gonna keep you safe here, little guy. That's a promise I intend to keep – it's you and me against the world now… Alvin Junior…"

Satisfied with the name, and thinking that this would at the very least do his parents' memories some much-deserved justice, I watch as his bright little eyes explore every inch of his surroundings. Duck was largely the same way at that age, and if my experience with kids has taught me anything, this is only going to increase as AJ here gets older. Give it a few years, and he'll probably be wanting to run around everywhere he damn well pleases; searching for clues in his imaginary games and dragging Clementine around like a dog on a leash as she'll have no choice but to comply.

Speaking of which… I think that I've got some pretty heavy-duty apologizing to do. The sooner the better, in fact.

I can't take back what happened, and try as I might the damage has already been permanently etched onto her young, otherwise pristine face. Christ, that kid's gone through so much… I don't rightly think that I can even call her a child anymore, not with all the things she's seen and experienced firsthand. I know that I'm not anywhere close to being a suitable parent for her, and I sure as hell ain't the same as Lee was back then, but I can't help but sometimes feel those same instincts when it comes to her.

So if that's the case, then why have I been hesitating so much to act? Letting Carver brutalise her to that insane degree, lashing out at her back at Parker's Run when, in hindsight, really wasn't her fault. Not entirely, anyways.

Hmph… maybe I need to have a second chance not just from Duck, but fucking _Clem _too…

"Argh!" Luke suddenly gasps out from his spot on the log; grimacing and hissing in pain after Bonnie puts too much pressure on his wounded leg. I'll give Mr. Pretty Boy over there one thing at least – he's tougher than he looks, travelling with a bullet hole fresh in his thigh and all.

"Sorry, sorry 'bout that…" Bonnie apologizes as she loosens up the tension and briefly glances over at Mike with a worried expression. I'm starting to wonder if any of them have ever tended to a wound before. "But you've gotta stop shiftin' around like that, or things are only gonna get worse for ya. I can't patch you up unless you stay perfectly still."

Briefly stealing a quick glance towards me, Luke tries to ease up his tense shoulders as he leans back and buries his head in his hands. Something tells me that his leadership days, at least for the time being, are pretty much finished at this point. The man can barely walk, let alone be fit enough to stay out in front and take charge. Squealing like a little school girl whenever he shimmies around too much isn't exactly helping to inspire the masses here.

So yeah, I retract my former statement about his apparent _toughness_.

"Yeah… yeah, I get it. Just hurts like you won't even believe right now," he remarks as Mike walks over to check in on our Russian trashcan who's tied up securely to a coniferous tree nearby. He'd better not be giving that punk any of our supplies! He's a god-damn piece of shit, and he _deserves _to be treated like one!

Forcing myself to ignore those two for fear of doing anything with little Alvie in my possession, I turn to look on over to Clem and the _runaway _that she apparently calls a friend. Now that right there is just a huge problem waiting to happen – Jane's almost as untrustworthy as Arvo, and that's saying something since I pretty much have my doubts about everyone in the group. Did Jane really think that nobody would question why she came back, or why she's hanging around Clementine so much? Well tough shit, girlie! I don't exactly know the details, but I know that you're filling that girl's head with all the crazy, loner bullshit that you seem to abide by on a daily basis!

As far as I'm concerned, Jane, you should've just stayed gone… I don't trust you, and likely never will.

Noticing said person holding up some bandages, a small cloth and a bottle of peroxide, I shake my head and _tsk _in annoyance. Damn woman's gonna screw that shit up, I know it! I bet she's never had to use that in her entire life, let alone on an eleven year old!

"Kenny…" Bonnie trails off warningly as I stomp my way over towards the duo; careful not to upset AJ as I come to a stop behind a crouched Jane.

Waiting for her to turn her head around, since Clem's obviously not too inclined to be talking to me right now, I narrow my brow as Jane looks towards me.

"Gimme the bottle."

"Umm… I think I've got it. Thanks," Jane brushes me off, but I'm not taking no for an answer as I grasp onto her shoulder tightly.

"It wasn't a question," I inform her with an icy tone. "Just let me do it – I don't want you messin' her up even further, and this is _my _responsibility. Not yours. So I'm gonna tell you one last time," I continue, holding my ground as she stands up to her full height, "give. Me. The bottle."

With Clementine really not having an opinion on the matter, since one way or another she likely just wants her eye to get tidied up, Jane rolls her eyes as she heavily sighs and practically shoves the medical equipment into my outstretched hand.

"Asshole…" she mumbles, but I tune her out as I offer the baby over to Clementine to hold onto. Without a word, she accepts the bundle as he coos in her mother-like grasp. The girl's a natural at this, through and through.

"So… can I…?" I trail off, asking for permission as she continues to cradle AJ. Taking that as a silent acceptance, I carefully remove her hat – still stained with somebody's blood – and place it down beside her. It's weird that I never see Clem without this dirty, old thing, even though the same could probably be said about me as well.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly unwrap the bandage secured around her head as I try to keep my composure. Just as I feared, the injury is far too extensive for repair. There's dried blood and puss all along the swollen sections of Clem's eye, and I highly doubt that she could force her eyelid to open even if she wanted to. What kind of a monster would be capable of inflicting this kind of treatment?

…or maybe the better question is, what kind of monster would allow this shit to happen when they were standing right there? I'm pretty much just as guilty as Carver was…

"It's ugly, isn't it?" Clementine mumbles, noting my hesitance as I'm caught staring in regret. By the tone of her voice, it almost sounds as though she's feeling self-conscious about it; something that I definitely didn't expect.

At least she's talking to me now, however shitty the circumstances might be.

"Come on, darlin'. You know that ain't true," I encourage, unscrewing the lid as I pour a decent amount of peroxide onto the cloth. "If anything, I think it makes you look like even more of a badass."

"Kenny, I'm half blind…"

Unintentionally making me feel more guilty about the whole sordid affair, I bite my tongue and focus on the task at hand – cleaning out the wound before it gets infected. I ain't no doctor, so I don't rightly know how long this bleeding is going to last for, but I know for damn sure how sensitive a person's eye can be, especially when it's injured like this. This medicine stings enough on open wounds as it is, so I can't even imagine how painful this is going to be.

Noticing me eyeing her and the cloth numerous times, Clementine clears her throat as she garners my full attention. "It's now or never, Kenny," she remarks, scrunching up her face as if she's preparing for the impact. "There's no need to avoid it – this is gonna hurt like hell. I've been through this before…"

"What?!"

"Just lay it on me… please, can we just get this stupid thing over with?" she dodges my question, practically begging me as I sorrowfully comply. This girl's got bigger stones than anyone that I know, kids and adults included. Clem's pretty much making me look like a complete wuss in comparison, and even though I'm pretty concerned knowing that she's had to use this substance herself once before, I know deep down that this shit's gotta get done.

Holding the cloth up to the swollen area, Clementine instantly reels back and whimpers as the medicine works its magic. This has gotta sting like a bitch, but without another warning I hold her shoulder gently with one hand and continue to disinfect and treat the wound with the other. The rest of the group must've heard all the commotion going on over here, since Mike's hollering at me if everything's alright, but I just continue to wipe. This fucking eye is all my fault, and I just need to keep wiping away my mistakes.

Wipe away all the wrongs… wipe away all my regret; my doubts, failures and miseries. I won't fuck up like this again.

"KENNY!" Mike interrupts my thought process as he roughly yanks me back by the collar and I fall backwards into the snow. "Jesus, man! She told you to stop like six times! It's fucking clean, man!"

Snapping out of my daze, my gaze turns to absolute horror and terror as I see Clementine laying on her back; getting looked at by Jane as Bonnie hovers nearby. Even Luke has hobbled over on his own to check on the girl, and that's when I realize that I had just gone too far.

Fuck.

"Oh my god… I'm… I'm so sorry, Clem! I-I didn't mean…" I stumble over my own words once again; glaring sharply at Arvo as he spits on the ground and mutters something in his native language. But I'm far too distracted at the moment to pay him any attention – did I just make things worse? Am I being a god damn hypocrite here?

Picking a wailing AJ up from the ground, Bonnie scans the area for walkers and sighs in relief when there are none to be found. "Come on y'all. We'd better get out of this cold while the sun's still up," she advises as I break my way through and bend down towards Clementine; worry etched into my very being as she sits up on her own free will.

Shaking the snow off of her jacket, she ignores any offers of assistance as she re-wraps the bandage around her head with haste. Feeling completely useless and powerless to do anything, I stifle what's left of my pride and sheepishly hand Clem back her ball cap; issuing out quick, successive apologies as the rest of the group start trekking down a ways.

"Kenny stop…" she shakes her head, wearing a smile of all things as she chuckles lightly through the pain. "It's… it's fine. I'm okay, and… thank you…"

Only feeling a temporary amount of relief, but a whirlwind of gratitude, I place my hands in my coat pockets and hang a little bit near the back; wondering exactly what it is that's going through that girl's mind.

Why the hell is she so quick to forgive?

* * *

"Don't come over here!"

I don't think that things could look any more bleak than they are right now. Of course the Ruskie just _had _to try and take off right after we managed to find that church, and _of course _our group just had to try and follow the bastard all the way over to an unfrozen section of river to try and catch him. Bonnie and Mike both got separated from us trying to outrun a large pack of walkers, since apparently that town across the river was chalk-full of the undead. Who knows where the Russian shithead may have taken off to now?

There was no way of us knowing until it was far too late, but now we have an even bigger problem: Jane's about to go down to a watery grave, with nobody around to keep her from doing so. If she lets go of the rock that she's clutching onto for dear life, then it's game over.

And as much as it might irritate me having her loitering around, in the end I know that the four of us remaining are going to need each other.

"Fuck… just hang on, Jane!" Luke hollers out; trying to judge whether or not it'd be a good idea for him to try and swim out to her. With a wrecked leg like what he's got at the moment, there won't be any chance for him at all. There's no need to have two untimely deaths. "I can make it! You just have to trust me! It's gonna be alright!"

"Urgh… god damn it!" she belts out, getting incredibly startled as Jane struggles to keep a firm grip on the slippery rocks. Water incessantly crashes into her body as she coughs some of the liquid out and practically freezes in its cold embrace.

At this rate, the hypothermia might claim her as fast as the river ever will.

"Kenny, we have to do something!" Clementine remarks worriedly; still clutching onto little AJ as I try to look for a fallen stick or something that could potentially bring her to shore. Upon finding no such luck, I clench a fist in annoyance. None of this should be happening right now! We had a huge chance to make it into the church, but it all got shot to hell when we least expected it to!

"Luke, stay on that shoreline and don't let go, understand?" I tell him as I quickly come up with the only plan that I can think of. As he nods and clutches one hand onto the edge of a tree stump nearby, I clutch onto his other hand as I start to wade out into the freezing cold river. Sometimes in order to get the best results, you have to take the biggest risks. When I get about halfway in, I extend my arm as far as it can go to try and grasp onto Jane's hand. "Damn it, woman! You've gotta reach out!"

With water quickly splashing against her face and her eyes slowly drooping downwards, I quickly realize that she's starting to breathe the stuff in; meaning that in a few moments she's inevitably going to die. Unless she can somehow magically develop gills and swim like a fish, then Jane's going to become just another statistic.

That is, until Clementine quickly jumps into the river right past me and clutches onto another stone.

"Jesus Christ, get back here, Clem!" I shout over the roaring currents, but the kid's as stubborn as a damn mule. Shaking her head, Clementine clutches onto my left hand as I practically pull my arm out of its socket. Too bad I can't just become Inspector Gadget or some shit to just extend my arm out thirty feet in length, but this is going to have to do for now.

"Gotta… reach!" Clementine pushes harder as she finally brushes her fingertips against Jane's shoulder. When all hope seems lost, Jane groggily realizes that somebody's actually made it on over to her side and lazily grasps onto Clementine; coughing and spluttering as the eleven year old desperately turns her head back towards us. "Okay, we've got her! Reel us in!"

Shuffling my legs to the right, I muster up all of my strength as Luke and I try to keep moving against the current. With all of our clothes completely soaked, the four of us crash onto dry (relatively) land as Jane's body convulses with incessant shakes.

Not even thinking about it, I instantly place two hands over her chest as I press downwards in a rhythmic pattern. One, two, three… one, two, three…

"Come on, shit…" I mutter, performing CPR as I blow air into her mouth; startling Luke and Clem at my persistence with keeping the woman alive. Fuck it if she's a friend or not! You can't hesitate when it comes to saving a life – that's one of the first lessons you get taught when you're out on the open seas!

After about five more presses, the miracle finally occurs as Jane coughs violently and spurts up the water from her lungs; landing in a gross fashion on the side of her face as I step back.

Feeling a pat on the back from Luke as Clementine hurriedly hugs my sternum and goes to tend to Jane, I nod over at the woman as she looks on in appreciation.

Maybe there's a chance for all of us after all.

* * *

"Give it a rest, man – I'm sorry, but they're gone," I tell Luke as he longingly glances out the window; peering his eyes through the winter storm that's started to gather outside. Thank god that we managed to get back to the church in time. "There ain't no use in worryin' 'bout the things you can't control. Just give it a rest, Luke."

Patting the seat beside her, Clementine smiles lightly when Luke finally relents and joins the rest of us around the fire. We've got ventilation from the smoke through an opening up above the chapel, but like always, we've kept the flames pretty low to avoid attracting too much attention. Even in the middle of all that snow, you never know whether or not somebody could try and scope you out and take your stuff while you're not looking.

Jane seems… tired, from what I can tell. Then again, we all do really, but she seems significantly more exhausted after that whole river incident.

Clearly she's not quite as agile as she'd like to believe, since I know for a fact that she fell flat on her face trying to jump across those stones in the river. But don't tell her that I said that, okay?

"So… the name's AJ now, is it?" Luke breaks his concern, trying to focus on something a little more light-hearted for a change while we actually have the chance. Watching as Clementine rocks him gently to sleep, the man smirks as he rests his arm over his healthy leg. "You know, out of all the names there were, Alvin Junior didn't even come to mind at all. Weird, isn't it?"

"Well, what did you want to call him then?" Clem teases, poking him in the ribs as he winces slightly.

Scratching his chin in thought, Luke lists a few names off his fingers as the rest of us roll our eyes. "Well, let's see… there's David, Joey, Franklin, Jim…"

"You really think he looks like a Jim?" Jane asks with a chuckle as he shrugs his shoulders; their previous awkwardness around each other temporarily forgotten. However, I _definitely _haven't forgotten about their little… ahem, "love-making session" back at Parker's Run – that got buried in my mind and rightly pissed me off, but I can kind of understand it. I was twenty something at one point too, you know.

"Haha, alright, maybe not Jim. But definitely a Franklin!"

Blowing a raspberry, I warm up my hands against the flames and rub them together to get more comfortable. "Well, I think you're a little late there, bub. The naming ceremony finished a while ago," I shrug, getting an amusing idea as I glance over to Jane and Luke. "Clem, why don't you get these two amateurs a turn?"

Smirking at Jane's widened eyes and nervous expression, Clementine knows exactly who to hand the boy off to first.

"Clem, _no_. I-I don't even know what to do here! He's gonna puke!" Jane insists as she's instructed on how to properly hold the child. At first, she seems to be getting the hang of it – awkwardly so, but I guess it's the thought that counts for her first try.

"The two of you are gonna have to learn how to be parents at some point or another… not that I'm implying anything…" I add as Luke blushes furiously and Jane focuses on anything interesting that she can find on the floor. "And you might wanna do it fast," I tell them as I straighten my back out, "especially by the time that we get to Wellington."

All three of them immediately snap their faces up to me as I say that last part, with none of them even noticing that AJ has indeed puked all over Jane's brown jacket. _Sigh… _I probably should've expected this reaction.

"You can't be serious…"

"I'm _completely _serious!" I bark back at Jane, knowing it in my gut that there's a community up north somewhere. I may not have any proof other than word of mouth, but I've gotta hold onto that hope. "We sure as shit can't stay holed up here forever! How long is that formula for AJ gonna last, huh? Maybe a few weeks at the most? There ain't no supplies 'round here – north is our best bet. We'll leave at first light."

"Listen man, we can't just go out there on a whim! Who knows if there actually _is _something up north, let alone if it actually is in Michigan or not?" Luke reasons as I shake my head in disapproval. "Look, we can just take a couple of days to get our bearings, and then come up with a plan that works. I don't want us to get caught out on the road with no set destination, so for the meantime we can just stay and rest up."

Scoffing, I find that sentiment completely ironic with what had just happened with the last great plan he created using the same logic. "The last time we waited around in a crap hole like this, we had just ended up losing – "

"Don't pin Rebecca's death on me, alright?! It wasn't anyone's fault! Don't start pointing fucking fingers now!"

"GUYS!" Clementine hisses, having not to yell since AJ's still barely on the brink of sleep. With a steely glance towards the three of us, she manages to silence the crowd. "Can we just… sleep on it, maybe? There's no point in worrying about this right now – we just lost people today, and almost lost another," she remarks sadly, looking at Jane before turning back to me. "Please? It's… it's been a long day."

Feeling whatever annoyance and frustration at their persistence start to fizzle away, I close my eyes and silently nod before mentioning that I'm going to check the upstairs portion of the church. It's dusty and dark, but I can at least tell where I'm going by the low embers that are starting to die down.

Moving a small table out of the stairwell and noticing the long-dead walker leaned up against a the wall upstairs, a bullet in his brain having killed him prior to us arriving, I lean up against a pillar and glance out over the village. A big portion of the place is buried in snow, which really isn't my forte now that I think about it. Being from Florida will do that to a guy.

But at the same time, I can't help but marvel at the beauty of this place. It all looks so serene buried in the glistening snow, almost reminding me of those trips to the mall that I used to take Duck along during Christmas season. He'd sit on some fat, old man's lap and would never be able to tell the difference, despite constantly trying to pluck at the guy's fake beard and put it on his own face. Kat used to take pictures of him while I'd just smile, laugh and shake my head. What a character my boy used to be…

It just makes remembering the fact that he was such a good kid that much more difficult to swallow.

"…wanna be alone?" Clementine suddenly asks as I shake my head.

"No," I reply solemnly, sitting down over the edge as the two of us let our legs dangle in the air. "This… this time, I think I could use some good company like you."

_We're all family, Dad! Every one of us! _I remember Duck telling me one night back at the motor-inn when I had explained my unease with our new group members.

_Family? Son, we barely know these people at all, _I had whispered to him as Katjaa lightly slept on the bed close to us. Lee had been on watch on top of the RV if I can recall correctly, but Lilly would likely be taking over in a few hours. _Why are you so quick to trust them all?_

_Well… we're all here together, aren't we? That means we have to be like a team! _he had explained brightly, stifling back a yawn as I realized that it was getting pretty late. Although his words were that of an innocent child's, there was some underlying wisdom coating his message even if he himself didn't realize it.

I guess that same wisdom would apply in this scenario, too. Good on you, son… I can't tell you how proud I was of you that day and every other wonderful time that we were together.

I only wish it could've been longer.

"…we're gonna keep the group together," I mention with a heavy heart as Clementine's head lifts up in hope. "Wherever we go, we go together."

"You mean it?"

"Yeah," I nod affirmatively, even though this might go against my inner desires. Sometimes you need to put you're the group's priorities over that of your own. "We have to do whatever's best for AJ, and if that means heading somewhere south… then we'll do what we can."

Feeling her clutch onto my hand as I let out a small smile, I start to glow with slight warmth knowing that this right here, whether it's ideal or not, is the family that I've been dealt with. We're not perfect by any means, as nobody really is these days or beforehand, but we at least look out for one another.

And that's something that none of this can take away.

"Thanks, Kenny."

Hoping that this could potentially start the recovery process on the long road to forgiveness with this very special young girl, I sigh in content as she brushes up against me.

"No," I remark, giving her shoulder a squeeze as we look out at the winter wonderland, "thank _you_, Clem."


End file.
